DEAR ABBY: I’m a 77-year-old lady with a 27-year-old granddaughter who loves digital devices and toys. She’s comfy financially and sometimes buys costly presents for me. Whereas I recognize her generosity and her need to make my life “simpler and extra enjoyable,” I merely am not in them.
I discover these gadgets extra irritating than pleasant. I don’t want something, and I don’t need something. I’ve requested her repeatedly to please not spend her cash on me, however it falls on deaf ears. Maybe in case you print this, she may notice how troublesome it generally is for us older of us to make use of these devices. How can I get my level throughout with out hurting her emotions? — GOOD INTENTIONS
DEAR GOOD INTENTIONS: Inform your granddaughter you’re keen on her and recognize her generosity, however digital devices usually are not pleasant for you, and you would like she would cease giving them to you. If she asks what you may like, clarify (once more) that you don’t want something however would as an alternative prefer to spend time or go to an occasion along with her. That message mustn’t trigger damage emotions.
DEAR ABBY: I’ve one sibling, a sister, who’s three years youthful than I’m. Our mother may be very aged. My sister and I’ve a horrible relationship. We can’t get alongside.
When Mother dies, wouldn’t it be OK for me to not go to the funeral? We’ve got no different household, and I’ve no need to see my sister. Mother and I’ve an amazing relationship. Do different folks expertise this? I instructed her lawyer I can’t go. He stated he understands. — ON MY OWN IN NEW YORK
DEAR O.M.O.: Funerals could appear to be “for” the deceased, however they’re actually to consolation the dwelling. The time to display respect and affection is whereas somebody resides. You’ve gotten carried out that together with your mom for a few years. I doubt there may be a lot left unsaid between you. When your mom passes, do what feels proper to you. Your mom’s lawyer stated he understands. That must be sufficient dispensation.
DEAR ABBY: After spending hours making ready a meal, is it applicable to your visitor to cowl the meals on their plate with salt and pepper with out first tasting it? Past being inappropriate, isn’t it simply plain impolite? Ought to I say one thing? By no means invite them for a meal once more? Or simply let it go? — IN A STATE IN THE GARDEN STATE
DEAR IN A STATE: The subsequent time a visitor reflexively gestures towards the saltshaker with out having taken a chunk of your meals, you’ll be inside your rights to ask why. Maybe your cooking tends towards the underspiced.
In case you are really offended by this, no rule of etiquette decrees that it’s essential to invite the individual once more. (I additionally know of no rule of etiquette that states a bunch should put salt and pepper on the desk.) If a friendship is a heat one, I’m inclined to permit my friends to do no matter makes them comfy, recognize them for who they’re and let one thing like this go.
Pricey Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also called Jeanne Phillips, and was based by her mom, Pauline Phillips. Contact Pricey Abby at DearAbby.com or P.O. Field 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.